Bruised Review

She reviewed his lips
like a sailor
reviews the sea,
she knew what they were
and how dangerous
they could be
but couldn’t help
but long for them.

The crowd speeding
past seemed unaware
of her attempts
to focus on the words
flowing from his lips,
so fascinating
and remarkably wet,
focus was unpredictable.

A hurried girl
bumped into her,
pitching her forward,
she landed a heavy kiss
upon his focus…
upon his lips, sweet with
soft pulsing flesh,
now bruised and tasty.

Written: July 25, 2007

NOTATION:

This was written with a specific scene in mind… a woman trying to listen to a man she is attracted to who is unaware of her desires. She is drawn to his lips and wants to kiss them but feels the fear of his rejection. She is given an unexpected chance when a stranger bumps into her causing her to fall into a much wanted kiss.

Did the scene within my mind come through in the poem???

I could not find a picture that accurately matched what I see but this one will do for now.

. . . I have made a couple of minor changes along the way. Below is the original and it seems to still be a work in progress but I believe the first stanza is as it always will be.

Original (before re-write)

She reviewed his lips
like a sailor
reviews the sea,
she knew what they were
and how dangerous
they could be
but she couldn’t help
but long for them. The crowd speeding
past them seemed
unaware of her attempts
to focus on the words
flowing from his lips,
so fascinating and lickable
and remarkably wet,
focus was unpredictable.

A hurried girl ran up
and bumped into her

pitching her forward,
she landed a heavy kiss
on his focus… on his lips,
those lips, so hot with
soft pulsing flesh
now bruised and tasty.
Written July 25, 2007
Reworked January 8, 2012 and February 20, 2012
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12 thoughts on “Bruised Review

  1. yeah it comes across…the lickable, unpredictable rhyme in the middle throws this off a bit for me and seems a bit forced as you dont rhyme elsewhere…really like the first stanza…and the end

    Like

  2. Hi Rusty!
    Thanks for your comment. Yes, there is still good and yes, the world seems a little on the crappy end of things lately.

    But… often writing dark poetry makes me happy since I don't really write 'depressing dark' rather I write the darker side of light. No idea if that makes sense. πŸ™‚

    Like

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